In the ongoing discourse around education reform, one persistent myth continues to surface: that restorative practices, brain-aligned classrooms, and trauma-invested approaches in schools are simply a form of coddling, leaving students unprepared for the “real world.” Critics argue these frameworks lower expectations, excuse poor behavior, and fail to instill accountability. This perception is not only misleading—it ignores both the evidence and the realities of how learning, development, and discipline truly work.

The Origins of the Myth

The myth likely stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of what restorative and trauma-informed approaches actually entail. At a glance, these models shift away from traditional punitive discipline, such as suspensions, corporal punishment, isolation, and detentions, in favor of strategies that emphasize empathy, repair, and student voice. For some, this shift looks like leniency. However, equating compassion with weakness reveals a false dichotomy between discipline and support.

In reality, these approaches are not about eliminating natural consequences—they’re about replacing ineffective and often harmful punitive practices with strategies that address root causes and promote long-term growth, resiliency, and true change in young people.

What the Research Actually Says

1. Trauma-Informed Practices Enhance Student Outcomes

According to research from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, trauma-informed schools foster environments that improve emotional regulation, attendance, and academic performance (NCTSN, 2017). When students feel psychologically safe, they are more likely to engage in learning and take academic risks.

2. Restorative Practices Build Accountability—Not Excuses

Restorative justice practices center around repairing harm through dialogue, reflection, and community accountability. A 2019 RAND Corporation study of restorative practices in Pittsburgh Public Schools found reductions in suspension rates, particularly for Black students, and improvements in school climate. Importantly, these practices did not reduce academic rigor or expectations—instead, they taught students to reflect on behavior, understand its impact, and actively make amends.

3. Zero-Tolerance Policies Often Do More Harm Than Good

Decades of data show that exclusionary discipline disproportionately affects students of color, students with disabilities, and students from low-income backgrounds. A 2014 report from the U.S. Department of Education Office for Civil Rights found that suspensions and expulsions often correlate with lower academic achievement, increased dropout rates, and greater likelihood of involvement with the juvenile justice system—what’s often referred to as the “school-to-prison pipeline.”

The Missing Link: Neuroscience and Polyvagal Theory

To move beyond punitive discipline, educators need more than just new tools—they need a new understanding of human behavior. This is where neuroscience and Polyvagal Theory come in.

Understanding the Brain-Body Connection

Trauma-informed education is rooted in the understanding that a dysregulated brain cannot learn effectively. When students experience trauma, their brains prioritize survival over cognition. The amygdala—the brain’s fear center—goes into overdrive, reducing access to the prefrontal cortex, where logical thinking, impulse control, and empathy reside.

Enter Polyvagal Theory

Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory explains how the autonomic nervous system responds to safety, danger, and life threat. It identifies three primary states:

• Ventral Vagal (Safety & Connection)
  
• Sympathetic (Fight or Flight)
  
• Dorsal Vagal (Freeze or Shutdown)
  

When students are in sympathetic or dorsal states, they aren’t choosing to be defiant or disengaged—they’re reacting to a nervous system that perceives threat, often unconsciously. A trauma-informed educator doesn’t excuse the behavior but responds in a way that helps regulate the nervous system and restore the conditions for learning.

The Research Supports It

Dr. Bruce Perry, in his work on the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics, emphasizes that regulating the nervous system is the first step before relational or cognitive interventions can be effective (Perry & Szalavitz, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, 2017). Schools that implement trauma-informed strategies based on these neurological principles report significant decreases in behavioral incidents and improvements in teacher-student relationships.

Life Is Hard—Shouldn’t School Prepare Students for That?

Here’s the crux of the myth: the belief that because life can be harsh, school must be equally harsh to “prepare” students. But preparing students for life doesn’t mean mimicking its worst elements; it means equipping them with the tools to thrive within it. Punishments are NOT interventions. They solve no problems and teach no skills. Ultimately, punishments lead to more isolation, seclusion, missed learning opportunities, and contribute to the school to prison pipeline.

Restorative and trauma-informed approaches do prepare young people for life. They teach emotional regulation, conflict resolution, empathy, and self-advocacy—skills essential for personal and professional success in any environment. Brain-aligned schools serve as places for young people to acquire a brain age that matches their chronological age, which will equip them for being a society contributing adult.

If we truly want to prepare students for life, we must teach them how to navigate challenges, not just endure punishment. We must model resilience, not retribution. We must teach, rather than focus on inflicting pain. When learning about neuroscience, trauma invested practices, restoration, and the harm caused by rewards and punishments, keep an open mind. Remember what it takes for you to thrive in an environment. No adult wants to be controlled or manipulated by another person. No adult wants carrots and sticks dangled in front of them to get them to comply. No adult wants to be threatened, shamed, or redirected, secluded, or restrained when they are not okay.

As Maya Angelou says…

When we know better, we must do better.

Bethany, an educator who continually works to be the regulated adult